IONA DOUGLIN

Another year, another day,another hour without you and my heart longs for your love, your laugh, your life. I long to share all the challenges I face and all the funny stories, just to get your advice and hear your laughter. So much has happened this year. Such challenges at work, at home but because of you I am extremely resilient. I have learnt to weather the storms because of the life you lived, never a quitter. The family reunion is on again and I am not sure I will be there physically but will be there in spirit. So much is happening in our world today, you couldn't fathom it. I now understand what you meant when you said 'there is too much sadness in the world today so there is no need for you to be here.' It just wasn't your cup of tea. You are indeed in a much better place. Merle still hasn't left the house for almost three years now, but you need not worry, I am giving her all the support she needs. Earl is doing well and so is Pearl and Marilyn. My days are so empty without you, Mom you had such an impact on my life, hence I miss you so. I think happy thoughts most of the time, but every once in a while the tears flow. You helped me to carry my load just by having an ever listening ear, by making me smile, by always extending a hand to help. You had such a zest for life, you gave so much of you, you were selfless in giving. You left an indellible mark on my life. I marvel when I hear Des talk about how much she loved her Gran and how much she misses her. She talks a lot about the times she spent with you, going to the casino(lol), to lunch or just hanging out at home. How I wish you could see her son, Bryant. Everytime I look at him I think of you, Mom he is just a bundle of joy. He would have given you a reason to be here, he is so much fun. I would have loved to see your interaction with you. As I said, so much to say, but most of all, I love you and I miss you. You were my world. May your soul R.I.P. forever and ever.

Mom, today is your birthday and I feel so empty. There is no reason for me to plan a surprise party, buy flowers that you love so much, buy a cake since I am not a baker like you, make dinner reservations, cook a meal.......how I enjoyed planning your special day. I am glad I had the opportunity to spend many birthdays with you, light candles and sing 'Happy Birthday to you.....', share hours of laughter and listen to the stories and telltales you shared. What joy and happiness you brought to this family, far and near, memories that we still share with each other and will never be forgotten. You were indeed a special lady and sometimes I wish I could emulate you, in many ways. You lived a full life and gave of yourself entirely, to everyone you came in touch with. That was a special gift and a blessing from above. Your love, kindness, warm heartedness, selflessness, inner and outer beauty,no nonsense nature, laughter will NEVER be forgotten. You were a one of a kind woman and I am glad you were my Mom. I learnt to agree to disagree with you because I would have never won the battle. You were a WINNER and will always be in my eyes. Love you and MISS you terribly. Thanks for being my MOM.

Mom, the holidays are over and once again the mainstay of the family was missed terribly. Mom life is so different and sometimes empty without your presence. Auntie Rieulla, Anthony, Caren,Krissy and AJ spent Christmas with us. It would have made my heart glad for you to see Bryant, AJ and Krissy together. The two boys are absolutely delightful, so much fun,so much laughter but much fighting also. They are both talking up a storm now and ever so busy.You would have enjoyed every moment with them...I could almost hear your laughter now. Krissy is growing into a beautiful,talented young lady.Once again Merle stayed at home which made me very sad. Mom how I wish I could help her so she could get all better. I am doing whatever I can to help her but I am not seeing any progress. I so want my sister back, it tears my heart everyday. Mom I dreamt of you last night and you looked wonderful. How I wish it was real. Your love, smiles, hearty laughter and the wonderful memories we shared will always live on in my heart forever and ever. I love you soooo much and thanks for being my mom. R.I.P.

Granny's presence in our lives has been grand in spirit. She did such a wonderful job influencing Sheldon's way of being that he often forwards those lessons unto our daughters. He loves to start his parental lectures with, "Like Granny always said..." He speaks about her so often that when she passed, my girls sadness was great from the loss of such an amazing woman.  As time went on the stories continued which lets me know her presence in their heart is all that matters. Her spirit, lessons, and good nature will live in our home forever.

Memory: The day of my daughter's Christening I was busy preparing everything and realized that among other things, I had forgotten to add desserts to the menu. All I had was 1 cake that said "Natalie's Baptism," but didn't have other choices for the guest. As I began to panic and load the car with decorations for the hall....Marilyn drove up the driveway with Granny in the passenger seat. I was surprised to see her because she had already called to tell me she wasn't feeling well and wouldn't be attending the party. Even still, she baked bread and a cake and just had to deliver it to me before we left along with a sweet card for Natalie. She insisted Marilyn drive her to our home because she just HAD TO bring us bread. I smiled because it was like she knew we needed her golden touch for the day. Thinking back to it now, I think I can almost see the light that followed her everywhere she went.

Dec 29, 2010.

Mom, it's Christmas time once again and part of the main ingredient is missing..YOU. Life is simply not the same without you. At times I am so lost, so much to say and no one to say it to. You were my confidante, my support and my laughter when I faced those difficult circumstances. We had a nice Christmas dinner and there was so much chatter about you. My heart was burdened because once again Merle decided not to leave the house. Mom, I feel so much pain for her, knowing that you left me an arduous task me to take care of her; absolutely, I am not doing a good job. I can never fill you your shoes. I am so confused and don't know what to do. I have begged and pleaded with her to come spend some time with me and it has been two + years and she still hasn't. My prayer is that miraculously she will be healed and live her life purposefully. She is in a deep depression and needs medical attention, but refuses to allow me to take her to the doctor. Mom I keep holding on to all you taught me and wish I am as resilient as you were. You were indeed my earthly rock and I love you and miss you terribly. Rest in Peace in the bosom of our Heavenly Father.